I have a confession to make. After 23 months in Thailand, I still don’t know the names of many people I interact with, and I am well past the point where I could say, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” And you’re probably thinking, can’t you just listen to what other people call them and figure out their names that way? But, even still, I just don’t know.
However! This is not a social flaw! There are a couple of very legitimate reasons for why I don’t know people’s names and why it’s not rude of me to be in such a position.
Given Names in Thailand
Thais are given a name at birth. They all have some kind of meaning and are multi-syllabic, like Jarupan, Sunthorn, Supaporn, Phattamon, Apiwit, Watcharapong. Names that are not familiar to an English speaker and that are easy to trip over, with the tones and the different vowel lengths. Trying to learn these names is quite a daunting task, and easy to give up on.
Thai Nicknames
It’s easy to give up on because every Thai person is also given a nickname, usually one syllable and sometimes an English word at that, like Ning, Save, Boss, Boat, Mew, Gwang, Gop.
Traditionally, the nickname is originally kind of unflattering as a way to deter spirits and ghosts from stealing or harming children. Gop, กบ, means “frog.” Why would the spirits and ghosts want to mess with a frog? They wouldn’t.
This typically applies to children, adults can have more elegant nicknames. My first host family gave me the nickname แก้วใจ, Gaeow Jai, which literally translates as “precious heart” but is more loosely translated as “beloved” or “of the center of the heart.”
Most everyone goes by their nickname, rather than their birth name. It would be the equivalent of when your mom is mad at you and yells out your full name to get your attention for you to call someone by their birth name.
So, to be a bit easier on myself, I do know most people’s nicknames. But there is still a contingent of people who names and nicknames I don’t know that I interact with on a daily basis.
Familial Terms
Familial terms are extended to nearly everyone.
Co-workers who are slightly older than you, about the same age as a brother or sister, get the honorific พี่, pii, which is the same thing you call your older sibling.
A friend who is just younger than you is น้อง, nong, same as a younger sibling.
Shopkeepers, people at the market, friends, lovers, strangers – you address them all based on their gender and their age relative to you and your family and use familial terms.
ลุง or ป้า, lung or bpaa, are used often as aunt or uncle and can be used to address anyone within the same generation as your parents; ปู่ or ยาย, bpuu or yaai, are the words from grandpa and grandma and again, can be used to address anyone in your grandparents generation.
It’s OK to Not Know Their Name
So all those times that I was introduced to 15 people all at once in my first month at site and I forgot all those people’s names? I just fall back on the familial terms, which is completely acceptable.
So, I cut myself some slack when talking about and to the people I live and work with, because while not knowing people’s names may not be entirely normal, I still speak and work completely within the cultural framework for addressing people.
And I feel it works much better than the harshly translated and often-shouted-at-farangs “YOU!”